Severus Snape & a Story of Redemption
by RissaCay
Summary: Snape puts his Death Eater days behind him, and works for Dumbledore, but is it enough to win Lily's love? plz review 1st fic
1. A Lie

Snape was barely visible in the small yard, with his black hair and black cloak; he blended in with the dark sky. Music floated to him softly from inside the festive little house. He hated the sound. Inside there, a large group of witches and wizards are celebrating the marriage of Lilly Evans and James Potter.

Snape warned himself not to come. He knew it'd do him no good, but he convinced himself that any negative consequences would be worth the risk if he could only see how beautiful Lily looks in a wedding dress…

But as he stepped toward the nearest window to peak inside, someone shouted a curse and he fell, paralyzed, onto his back.

Snape could only look up. The pretty face of Sirius Black came into view. Black looked down at him, then, turned his attention to someone else in the yard.

"Go get James," he said. There was a sound of someone scurrying away. From the heavy footsteps, Snape assumed it was Pettigrew.

For a while, Snape simply looked up at the starless sky and damned himself for letting Sirius curse him.

He heard some voices and then he was free. He could move again. Snape felt relief, but this feeling was quickly overcome by hate and disgust as he saw James Potter drawing near.

"Yours is the last face I hoped to see tonight, Snivellus," James spat.

Snape was on his feet. James's wand was pointed at his chest. He withdrew his wand in return, but was there to be a duel, Snape knew he'd be out numbered. Black and Pettigrew were on either side of him, ready to curse, and Lupin stood, cross armed, behind James.

"Evening, Potter. I see you still rely on having your buddies around, instead of risking facing me alone."

"Risk?" laughed James, "I could kill you right now."

"That'd make Lily rather sad," said Snape calmly.

"why would _you_ care! I thought she was just a _mudblood_ to you!" roared James.

"Any woman would be upset to learn her husband is a murder, or that her former friend was savagely killed."

"She'd be happy," said James, "to know that there is one less Death Eater in the world."

Snape glared at the wizard and wanted nothing more then to kill him. Actually, there is one thing he wanted a lot more….

"I've come to see Lily," said Snape. He hadn't planned out talking to her, but she'd learn, eventually, that he had come. Might as well hear her voice.

"Never," said James.

But it didn't matter what James said, because the next moment Lily came strolling into the yard.

"James? There you are! What are you doing…"

Silence.

And then, "What is _he _doing here?"

Snape couldn't form words. The sight of Lily standing there, white dressed and perfect, left him speechless.

"He says he came to talk to you," said Lupin.

"Okay, then _talk_," Lily said, glaring at Snape.

"… Alone," said Snape.

For a moment she said nothing. "Okay, boys, go back inside."

"Lily," said James. Then he turned away from Snape to face her. "I'm not leaving you alone with him."

"I can take care of myself," she said, and her word was final. Then, Snape watched her pull out her wand. She did it so confidently that it reminded him how much he loves her.

Snape looked away when James bent down and kissed Lilly's lips. Then, all the Marauders left, leaving Snape and his love alone.

"What is it? What do you have to say that's so important?" asked Lily, anger in her voice.

"I'm sorry." The words flew out, because he had nothing else to say.

For an eternity-long five seconds, Lily just stared at him stone-faced. Then, the sides of her mouth twisted into a smile. The next thing he knew, she was laughing.

"_That's_ what you came over here to say? _That's_ what you called me away from my reception for?" She didn't sound angry or happy either. She just sounded… amused.

"I _know_ you're sorry. And I can forgive you for calling me a mudblood, but I can't forgive you for becoming a Death Eater, Sev. I'll _never_ be okay with you working for Him."

Snape opened his mouth to say something. Then he closed it again.

"Is there anything else?" Lily asked.

"I'm a member of the Order Of the Phoenix." The lie came to him instantly. "I'm a double agent, working for Dumbledore. I just thought you should know."

Her face brightened instantly, "really?"

His head did a jerky nod, and then Lily dove into him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, squeezed him tight, and buried her face into his neck. "I'm so happy to hear that, Sev."

Snape hugged her back. He felt bad for lying, he really did. But he swore then that by the time Lily returned from the honey moon, he'd be a member of the Order.


	2. A Spy

"No," said Dumbledore instantly, when Snape asked.

"Professor, you don't understand. I'll do _anything_," he said, through gritted teeth.

"I think I'll make a good addition to the Order…"

"That's not the matter, Severus. You're a brilliant wizard, I'm aware. It's a matter of trust, and I'm not sure that I trust you," said Dumbledore.

"I can brew a potion… one that will force me to speak the truth. Then you'll have to believe me." Snape hated to beg. He could hardly recognize his own voice when groveled.

"Very well."

Snape had a feeling that Dumbledore had already thought of this solution, but wanted to here him sound desperate before agreeing.

Then, confirming Snape's suspicion, Dumbledore pulled a vile of honesty potion out from his desk.

Snape came forward and took a seat before the headmaster and then he took the vile. The potion tasted cold and bitter when he drank it.

"Do you want to be a member of The Order of The Phoenix?" asked Dumbledore.

"Yes," said Snape.

"And if I were to emit you, would you be completely loyal to me?"

"… Yes."

"Would you lie to Voldemort on _my _demand?"

"Yes."

"How do you intend on doing this?"

"Occumency. I'm very skilled at it, Professor."

"Okay, Severus. You can join the Order."

Snape felt relief and even happiness, but his face stayed still as stone.

"I presume I'm the only one who knows about this ambition of yours?" asked Dumbledore.

"No."

"Someone else knows?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"Lily Evans."

"You told this to Lily Potter?" asked Dumbledore.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because it'd make her happy."

"And you want to make her happy because…"

"because I love her," said Snape.

"I see," said Dumbledore.

Snape left shortly after. He had achieved what he set out to do.

Severus Snape. Man. Wizard. Death Eater _and_ member of the Order.


	3. A Pepperoni Pizza

Snape appareated onto the porch of Grimuald Place. What was he expected to do? Ring the doorbell? _How muggle._

It'd been a month since his meeting with Dumbledore and today Snape would finally tell the other members of the Order that he is now one of them.

Sirius Black was the man who answered the door. Of course, the first thing he did was point his wand straight at Snape's chest.

"Wand down, Sirius," said Dumbledore. Black obeyed.

Snape was welcomed into the house by the old wizard.

"Everyone… attention please." As was so often the case with Dumbledore, when he spoke, the room feel silent.

Snape could feel the Order's focus on him, could _feel_ their hate. He recognized most of the witches and wizards before him. The Marauders, the Longbottoms, Moody, Kingsley…

Then, finally, Snape's eyes feel upon Lily. She was standing behind James in a corner of the large room. On her face was a smile. Snape wished he could return it with a smile of his own.

"This is Severus Snape. He's the newest member of the Order."

Many protested at the same time. Snape heard the word 'death eater' repeated by a number of different voices.

"Yes, Severusa Death Eater," Dumbledore said, "This is what makes him so useful. I assure you, to us, he is entirely loyal."

No one spoke.

Dumbledore announced the end of the meeting.

Snape stepped out of the way and watched as members of the Order walked onto the porch then disappeared. Some offered him a meek 'welcome' or 'good to have you' but most gave him a hatful glare and walked past.

Snape could hear Sirius ask James for 'a word'. Then the two left for the kitchen. Before long, Snape found that he, Lily, and Dumbledore where the only ones left in the room.

"Look's like I ended the party," Snape said, awkwardly, to Lily.

She came forward and wrapped her arms around him, like she had done a few weeks prior. Snape could feel Dumbledore's eyes on him. But he held her close anyways. Let the old wizard think what he wants, thought Snape. No one else's opinion ever mattered when he was with Lily.

"I'm _so_ happy your doing this, Sev," she said, letting go.

Snape was particularly carful with his words, knowing that Dumbledore stood so close. Ordinarily, he'd tell Lily that he was happy that_ she_ was happy, that he'd do _anything_ for her. Instead, he made small talk.

"So, how was your trip?"

"Oh," the question caught her by surprise, "it was good. Mazatlan is beautiful."

Like you, thought Snape, but he daren't say it.

"I was wondering… how do you keep Him from knowing?" Her voice took a concerned tone. Snape recognized that tone from when she used to ask about his family life, back when his Father's abuse was Snape's biggest worry.

"Occumency. He doesn't expect a thing."

"Okay, good," she said. She smiled. "I'm _so _happy, Sev."

"You already said that," he reminded her. They both laughed.

Just then, James and Sirius came out from the kitchen. Snape looked up to see them. Snape saw Dumbledore as well. He'd completely forgotten the headmaster was there.

"Let's go, Lily," James said, a little too demandingly.

"Okay, okay," Lily said. "Good night, Sirius. Goodbye, Professor."

She turned to Snape. "Let's do lunch sometime?"

Snape's insides warmed. "Yes, of course. Write to me."

She smiled, said "I will" and then gave him a light, one-armed hug and left.

Snape watched them go. He let Lily's words echo in his mind. _I will_, so simply, so sweet.

_Lily, will you hold me? Will you kiss me? Will you love me? _

_I will… _

Dear Severus,

I know it's taken me a while to write. I've bee awfully busy, but I'd love to see you soon. If your free, I'll have the house to myself tomorrow night. We'll have to stay in. Jame's says he doesn't want me out after what Sirius told him a few nights ago. Have you heard? Arthur Weasley was attacked by a group of Death Eaters, in his own home. I bet it has to do with the new promotion he got at the ministry! Everyone know's he's fascinated with muggles. It's a good thing Molly got to the house and forced the Death Eater's to fleet. Anyways, he's okay now. Still, Jame's refuses to take chances. He'll be safe with the guys at Remuses house, and I'll be home. If you want to stop by, we've got a lot of catching up to do.

Love,

Lily Potter

Snape folded the letter carefully and placed it on his desk. He sat down to reply. He ended up throwing away many drafts and wasting a lot of parchment. He just wanted it to sound good, but wasn't sure what to write. He settled with something simple.

I'll be there. Is sundown alright? I wish I'd heard those Death Eaters planning the attack, I could have prevented it.

Severus Snape

Snape knocked, softly, on the front door of Lilly and James's new house a night later. He hoped James would be gone by then.

Lily answered. She smiled at him and welcomed him inside.

"Jame's just left. You haven't been inside the house yet, have you? Well, I know it's not much, but its home."

The first thing Snape noticed was that all the picture frames on the walls were flipped backwards, so that one could only see the back of the frame. "What's wrong with those pictrures?" he asked.

"Well, there all of me and James. I thought they might bug you…"

"They would," he turned to face her.

"There isn't much in the house," she said, "are you good with ordering pizza?"

"Anything," said Snape.

She got the phone and ordered a medium pepperoni. Snape watched, fascinated, from a seat on the couch. Later she hung up and sat beside him.

"I know I've said this a hundred times, but I'm really happy you're doing this."

For a moment, the two just stared at each other. Now that he was actually looking, Snape could see how much she'd grown. It was the same beautiful face only older.

"What're you looking at?" she asked airly.

"I was looking at the little, red-haired girl from up the street who didn't even know she was a witch."

A giggle.

"When you first said I was a witch, I thought you were trying to insult me."

"I'd never insult you," said Snape. Then, thinking of the mudblood comment, he said, "well; I'd never insult you _again_."

"I told you, I forgive you for that. It's not worth hexing yourself over."

"I still feel really bad…" he told her.

"It was just one fight, Sev, and James drove you to it…"

"If you knew that, then why did you get so upset?"

Snape could see that her face had changed since he first came in. She looked sad, like she had just witnessed a tragedy, and he didn't like it.

"To tell you the truth, Sev, it was a lot more then just that insult that drove me to abandoning you. You were _changing_, becoming more and more like those Sltherin friends of yours and less like you."

Snape couldn't think of a word to say.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just couldn't stick around and watch you turn into a Death Eater."

Snape continued to say nothing. Lily leaned closer to him until the tips or her red hair tickled his shoulder.

"This was a horrible way to start off a visit," she said quietly.

"Do you remember that one year I spent Christmas break with you?" Snape asked.

"Yes!" she said, thankful for the subject change, "how old were we?"

"Twelve."

"That was a great year. I remember trying to convince Petunia that Santa was real, but that he was a Wizard." The two laughed together, and she laid her head against his shoulder.

"We've had a lot of good times together," she said.

"Like the chocolate frog."

"Oh yeah!" She laughed so hard that her entire chest heaved. "That was the _best_."

Snape laughed at the memory too. When they were 13, the duo had offered Petunia a chocolate frog with out telling her it was magic. When it leaped out from the wrapping paper, Petunia screamed louder then Snape had ever heard.

"You know, I can see why my sister never liked you."

"Ah, well, a lot of people don't like me," said Snape.

"People like you!" she argued.

"Ha. Only Death Eater scum."

"And me," she said.

For a moment, Snape just enjoyed the feeling of her body against his.

_Ding-Dong._

"Pizza's here," said Lily.

They both got up and headed for the door. When Lily opened it, Snape beheld a blond-haired teen with braces. "Hi," the boy said.

"Hi," said Lily, "let me go grab my wallet. How much?"

"7.99."

Lily hurried off to another room. The pizza boy's eye fallowed her as she left.

"Man, is that you girl friend?"

Snape was surprised to hear the boy talk to him. He answered quickly, with little thought, "best friend."

"Ah, well she's pretty."

Before Snape could reply, Lily returned. She paid the boy. When he handed her the pizza, she said, "Thank you."

"you _very_ welcome." That little creep.

What happened next was almost automatic. Snape took a slice of pizza and removed all the pepperoni. Then he handed the pepperoni to Lily, who swiftly placed them on her own pizza.

It was something they had always done. Even before they went to Hogwarts, Snape would give her the topping. It wasn't that he didn't like pepperoni, he just knew she liked it a lot.

"Did you hear about the muggle woman who was killed yesterday?" Lily asked. By then, both had returned to the sofa in the living room. "It's sickening, really."

Snape looked straight ahead at the wall with the backward picture frames, instead of at her. "Yeah, I heard. I know exactly the men who did it, too. I had to hear them rave about it. As if it is some thing to be proud of."

"Is it the same group that attacked Arthur?" she asked.

"I believe so, seems like their on some sort of spree."

"Well keep your eyes open," she said. She bit into the crust. Cheese oozed out from the center and surprised her. "That's not what I ordered… The kid messed up on our order."

"He asked me if you were my girl friend," said Snape.

"What?"

"The boy who delivered the pizza, he seemed to fancy you…"

"He was a _kid_. Couldn't have been older then 17!" she laughed.

"Well, that's what he told me." Snape felt himself blushing. Why had he said that?

Snape had eaten down to the crust. "Is the cheese inside any good?"

"No," said Lily, placing her own crust on the lid of the pizza box. "I advise you don't eat it." And so he didn't. "You know, after you leave Hogwarts, you really miss the food."

"Agreed," said Snape, imagining the splendid display of food that always waited for him at meal time, "You've got to love the house elves at Hogwarts."

In fact, there were a number of things Snape loved about Hogwarts. Beside the nutrition that he'd never get at home, there were the books, the knowledge, and the magic that he always felt in the castle.

"oh, I almost forgot! I've got something to show you…" Lily stood up and left to room, "I'll be right back…"

In her absence, Snape sat back against the sofa and thought for a moment. He had her back. There she was, just a room away. She wasn't mad. She didn't hate him. He had her back!

What had Lily said? She was mad because he was changing, becoming less like himself. She was the only person in the world to ever like him for the way he was, and she _still _liked him. He had her back…

When Lily returned, she held in her slender hands a simple sheet of paper.

"Before the wedding, my mom gave me an album of old photos. I found this one of you and me, I thought you might want to see it."

She sat beside him and handed him the photograph. It was old and crumbled on the edges. It didn't move at all.

Snape looked down at it. He saw a picture of an adorable young Lily. Her hair was all messed up. Red strands fell in front of her face. Her green eyes glowed as she smiled up at the camera and she was missing a tooth. She pulled her best friend into the picture with her. Little Severus looked cute but awkward beside her. He smiled with the left side of his mouth. His eyes, which looked scared and unsure, were half hidden beneath his long black hair. The picture perfectly showed the personality of the two. Lily was bright and beautiful, confident in her every move, and happy to have her shy best friend by her side, and Snape was just glad to be there.

"Wow, I love this picture," said Snape. He felt Lily beaming.

"You can have it. It's a copy," she said.

Snape thanked her. They had more pizza, talked, laughed, and reminisced. When it came time, Snape hugged her and said goodnight. They even made plans to see each other again soon.

And for the first time in a very long while, Severus Snape was perfectly happy and contempt with his life.


	4. A kiss

Snape and Lily sat beside each other on the sofa, simply enjoying one another's company, as they now so often did. They were watching some awful muggle television and Snape loved it.

Then something horrible happened.

Snape heard a popping noise. He spun around to see five masked Death Eaters who had mysteriously appareated into the house, despite the protecting charms placed upon it.

Snape stood up at once. He out stretched his arms, expanding himself and his black robes, like a giant black bat.

"Severus? Severus _Snape?_" said a Death Eater in the middle: Avery. "Explain yourself!"

"After you, my friend," spat Snape.

"Seeing that her mate went out tonight, we thought we'd eliminate the mudblood," he growled.

"Well you can't have her."

"Why not!" someone said, angrily. Snape recognized the voice as MacNair's.

"This one is my pet," said Snape, darkly. "Isn't that right, my dear? Put that wand down. No one's going to hurt you. Not when you _please_ me so."

Lily, who had always been smart, recognized Snape's lie and played along. She dropped her wand, wore a terrified face, and drew near.

Snape grabbed hold of the back of her neck and yanked her close. "Now, my sweet, give the men a smile. Show how lovely you are," Snape whispered menacingly.

She smiled weakly at the Death Eaters.

"Oh, I see," said Avery, "You've gotten yourself a plaything." They all laughed. Snape heard a womanly cackle. Could it be Alecto Carrow? Bellatrix Lestrange?

"Prove it to us!" bellowed a Death Eater named Nott. Then he busted with laughter. "Why don't ya give a little smooch!"

"Yeah!" agreed another, "Giv'er a good snog."

"_Gladly_," said Snape.

He tightened his hold on the back of her neck. Then he pulled her in.

Her lips were very soft. He kissed her greedily and demandingly, though he wanted to be gentle. He kissed her for a good time, though he wanted to stop. He closed his eyes, drowned out the Death Eaters whistles and chants. He pretended it _wasn't_ his best friend he was hurting under his grip. He imagined it wasn't Lily he was tormenting.

He pulled her face away. "There you are. Now, if you don't mind giving me my privacy…"

"Ah, Snape, your not ganna share her?" joked Nott.

"May I suggest you try the widow on 180 Spinet Street," Sanpe advised.

"Alright, Snape. Have _fun_," said Avery.

Then the five disappeared.

Snape hurried over to the fireplace and got a hold of Dumbledore.

"Professor, 5 … They're heading to 180 Spinet Street"

"Thank you, Severus. I'll send some men there right away," said Dumbledore, calmly as ever.

Snape pulled his face from the flames. He stood, facing the wall and not bearing to turn around and toward Lily.

_Pop._ James appareated into the room. "Lily? Oh, _thank God_."

Snape didn't turn around.

The sound of hugs and kisses, then of James voice, "Lily, what happened? Lily… Snape? What happened?"

The fire cackled before Snape's eyes. "They came to kill her, they knew you weren't here. I was able to convince them I had uses for her, and led them to a trap. _They_ didn't touch her."

"Okay, erm… Thank you," said James, "but I think you should leave."

Without turning and looking at either of them, Snape left the house.


	5. A girl with pink hair

Hesitantly, Snape proceeded toward the door of the Burrow. This would be his second meeting with the Order of the Phoenix and he dreading it.

Snape's hand reached out for the silver doorknob. He felt the cool of the metal. Then he stopped.

Lily would be inside. Did she hate him? Did she fear him?

Snape inhaled the cold air and smelt the scents from the Weasely's garden.

He'd only gotten one message from Lily in the long weeks since they shared that dreadful kiss. She wrote:

Dear Severus,

Thank you for your assistance in the warding off of those five Death Eaters. No one was hurt.

The next meeting for the Order is in three days from today at Arthur and Molly's house, I wasn't sure if you knew or not. Well, I suppose Dumbledore has already told you… anyways, you should make sure to go.

Best wishes,

Lily Potter.

Now Snape stood frozen on the Weasley's porch, afraid to see her again. She'd be disgusted by him, he was sure of it. She'd hate him _again. _

He opened the door.

Arthur greeted him with a warm, genuine smile. "There all in the kitchen."

Snape walked into the kitchen. There he found over a dozen witches and wizard sitting, laughing, and conversing at a long wood table. He could see her there, at the far end. Her red hair was tied up in a pony tail. Jame's arm was wrapped gingerly around her shoulders.

There eyes met for a moment-- a brief, _brief_ moment that Snape would remember for the rest of his life. She looked … worried.

He found an empty seat at the corner of the table and sat. To his left was Edgar Bones, who seemed to be in a rather amusing conversation with Frank Longbottom and some others. In front of him was Remus Lupin.

"Hello Severus," Lupin said, "I don't think I've welcomed you to the Order yet." With these words, the man held out his hand for a friendly hand shake.

For a moment, Snape just looked at Lupin's hand. He imagined it growing fur and crumbling into a paw. _I'm not sure I want to sit so close, _Snape yearned to mock,_ it may, after all, be a full moon._ But instead, he shook the wizard's boney hand and thanked him for his kindness.

"I heard about your lie that saved Lily," Remus began, "Very clever, if I may say."

"How'd you hear?" asked Snape accusingly.

"News travels pretty quick around here… not to worry, everyone think's Lily was quite lucky to have you there."

Before more words could be exchanged between the two, Molly busted into the room. "Quiet everyone! I've just put Percy to bed and I'll be darned in that rascal wakes again." With a flick of her wand, Molly sent trays of her home cooked food through the air and onto the table.

While enjoying the best meal he's eaten since leaving Hogwarts, Snape listened to the bits of conversation around him. Most involved missed relatives or up coming Quiditch matches. A few men ventured to talk to him, but all of these conversations were short lived.

He strained his ears, and once or twice could hear Lily's voice. It made his heart beat faster.

Half way through the meal, Dumbledore entered the room. "Sorry I'm late…" he said simply and then sat at the head of the table in a seat reserved for him. He then continued to speak. He gave orders, reviewed previous battles or schemes, and congratulated those who'd done well, Snape among them.

When he was through, the wizards got up and roamed the house. Snape watched as the meeting dissolved into some what of social get together. He felt extremely out of place.

Snape yearned to approach Lily. She was standing not too far away talking to a witch named Alice. She looked beautiful, no doubt, even with those circles under her eyes. _What has prevented her from sleeping?_

When Alice left, Snape took the opportunity.

"Hi, Lily," he said meekly.

"Oh, hi," she said. She wore a smile, but it was fake. He could tell. "Sorry I haven't written. It's been a… a busy couple of weeks."

"Ah, well, I've bee rather busy as well." A lie.

"Death Eaters giving you any trouble?"

"Not particularly…"

Someone called Lily's name. Snape watched as her green eye's left him and found some one else.

"Oh, seem's like James needs me…"

"Bye then."

"Bye."

He watched her walk away, feeling as though every bone in his body had been cursed to feel an unimaginable amount of pain.

Then someone new spoke.

"It's _so_ obvious!" The words were said by a young wizard that Snape hadn't seen standing there before. She was a curious creature, with a lively smile and bright pink hair. She couldn't be older then a 5th year. "My name's Tonks."

"Tonks?"

"Yeah, well, it's my last name. My first name is sort of hideous." She spoke quickly and had a confidence that Snape never knew as a child.

"What are you doing here?" he questioned.

"I came here with my cousin. See, I'm ganna be an Auror like him, but anyways, were not talking about me."

"We aren't?"

"No, we're not, Severus."

"Severus?"

"That's your name, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah," said Snape, "but how did you-"

"How did I know?" said Tonks, "I know about all of you members of the Order, including Lily Potter. And it's so obvious!"

"What's obvious?" asked Snape angrily.

"She's in love with you." As much as he wanted to believe the young witches words, he found himself laughing at the foolish idea. "No, really. That's why she's avoiding you, because she doesn't want to love you, because she's married."

He gave her only dry, sarcastic laughter.

"Fine!" Tonks said, "Don't believe me! But it's so clear. That kiss of yours did more then get rid of the Death Eaters."

Snape watched the girl disappear in the crowd. What a foolish child she was. To think, he was ever that hopeful! To think, he could ever believe Lily could love _him._


	6. The End

At the Order's Annual Christmas party, Snape's eye's searched vigorously, looking around.

He'd been a nervous wreck since he last saw her. He'd been a sorry excuse of a wizard. Every bird that set flight might be a letter from Lily. Each flick of a flame in the fire place might be Lily trying to reach him!

What was the girl with the pink hair saying? That Lily was falling in love with him? Hah!... She was avoiding him to protect herself from the affection his kiss brought? What a laugh! And yet…

There she was! Across the room, hand in hand with James, there she was!

_She _could never love _him. _Him with his scowling eyes and pale skin, him with his thin lips that- that kissed her.

That kiss was so violent. He hadn't enjoyed it. Surely, she didn't either. There was no way she could. She was used to snoging James-the-big-Quiditch-hero! The one that all the girls were fond of, even the Slytherins. He pictured her loving James and his perfection. It made Snape hate him even more. Admittedly, James had been decent since the night the Death Eaters attacked. But as he watched Lily's pretty little hand grab a hold of James's, he felt only loathing for the man. Snape despised him.

Snape wandered around the house. It belonged to Elphias Doge. It was a mess of a home, very big, but still cluttered. There was a trail of dust on the window sill. Snape ran his finger along the filth, and before he could lift it, he had bumped into a wizard. That wizard, Snape learned, was Sirius Black.

"My bad," said Sirius immediately. Then, when looking up and seeing that it was Snape he had bumped, adapted a much less friendly tone. "Have you seen my cousin?"

"Your cousin?"

"Yes. Nymphadora Tonks," he said bitterly.

"The one with the pink hair?" Snape asked with smirk.

"I believe it's orange today…" Black trailed off with out so much as a good bye

So that was her hideous name – Nymphadora. Well, it _was_ atrocious. Then again, Snape was never too found of the first name: Severus. He only liked the sound of the word when it was spoken by Lily. Then she started calling him Sev. What a wonderful nick name. It made him want to smile.

"She's outside," someone mumbled.

There the girl was again. This time, her hair was a fiery orange.

"Excuse me?"

"Lily!" Said Tonks, "She's outside, alone. Go talk to her."

Snape fallowed her gaze out the window. There he saw Lily, standing in the large lawn amidst the rose bushes and leafless trees. She looked beautiful. He wanted to talk to her. He _really_ wanted to talk to her.

"Go!" Tonks urged.

"Okay," said Snape. Should he mention that Black was looking for her? _Nah. _Let him search. "Thanks, Nymphadora."

As Snape walked away he heard her yell, "It's _Tonks!_"

The garden of Doges was far more impressive then his houses interior. Hundreds of pretty little flowers filled the space. Snape, who had always been fond of dark magic, has always had a soft spot for flowers.

After a few steps through the soft grass, Lily realized he was there.

"Oh, Severus. I didn't see you there," she said. Her face looked flushed. "Well, you can have the yard to yourself. I was about to go inside…" She headed past him toward the door.

"Lily?" Snape said. His voice was low and monotone.

She paused. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry…"

She drew toward him, looking angry. "Don't _do_ _that!_"

"Do what?"

"Do _that_," she snapped.

"That?"

"Don't apologize! You haven't done anything wrong!" She was having one of her Lily-outbursts that Snape always found both annoying and sexy.

"Then why are you mad?"

"I'm not!" her voice rose loudly.

"Oh really?" Snape raised his eyebrows mockingly.

Lily turned her back to him and marched around to the side of the house. He fallowed. What else could Severus Snape do, but fallow Lily? If she was mad, upset, or angry, he'd always fallow.

"What's wrong?" He dared ask.

"You. _Your_ wrong." Snape waited and watched her wet her cheeks with tears. "I've dreamt about you. I've wondered. Sev, I _can't_ wonder."

"You dreamt about me? Lily, that isn't a crime…"

"I just got married!" she shrieked. "and I love James, but when he kisses me—" she stopped, then rephrased, "I _know_ that that kiss we shared wasn't real. I know that. But now, when James leans in to kiss me, I think of you. I think of what it'd be like if it was real, and I can't think like that, Sev, I can't. I'm a horrible person."

"No, you're not a horrible person."

"I am. I want, so badly, to kiss you right now. Just to know, so I'll stop wondering…"

Snape stood frozen. Finally, Lily wanted him, but she hated that she wanted him. It was torturing her. Snape felt torn.

He wasn't the one who made the choice. It was her. She leaned in and pressed her pretty lips against his. Softly, and sweetly, she kissed him for a good amount of time. And Snape felt he would die from the pleasure of it. A life time of misery would be worth this one moment.

As soon as she pulled away, she erupted in giggles. The giggles turned into a stream of hardy laughter. She couldn't make out words. She was laughing too hard.

"_Oh thank goodness._" She said. Her arms rapped around his neck. She hugged him with force, "Thank God, thank God, thank God!"

"I was so worried," Snape heard her say, "I was frightened, thinking I was falling for you! Thank God though, I didn't feel it. I won't wonder anymore. Thank God! I didn't feel it! Now, we can be best friends again! Sev…? Sev? What's wrong? Your tearing up. Sev, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Snape whispered. He rapped his arms tight around her. _Nothing_, thought Snape, _she had felt nothing._

Friendship was all he'd ever gotten from Lily, but it was a lot more then he deserved. As much as he wanted more, as much as he wanted her, he'd never say so. Or maybe he would. But not then. Right then, Snape would only hug her back. Right then, Snape would only be her best friend.

**Okay, so that's the end. I hope it didn't disappoint you at all. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, it really means a lot to me. I'm ganna be writing a story from young Lily's prov next, if your interested. Thanks again, and plz review.**


End file.
